Ready to Run

This entry was originally written on May 20, 2010, a most historic and eventful day in my life, which you are about to read about. Feel privileged.

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I ran a mile today.

I’m sorry, let me re-type that just in case you missed it the first time.

I ran a MILE today.

I’ll just let you savor that for a moment.

…..

Here’s the thing  - I haven’t run an actual mile all at once, not stopping or slowing, since the fall of 1999. Crazy, eh? But true. Gym class. And my friend who was cheering me on and I had a miscommunication that meant I slowed down for what I thought was my cool down lap around the gym, but was really my last lap in the required mile. So really, truly? I ran my first mile today. And that sounds so pathetic, esp since I’ve been running in spurts for the last year and a half, almost exactly. But I have to be proud of it. Because it’s something I’ve never done before, and I can only improve from here. While it may not be a big deal to most people to run a mile, it is a huge deal for me.

I know it was a combination of stress and fury and frustration and the beats of the Black-Eyed Peas that allowed me to do it, but I think the 6 laps I swum in a pool a half hour before I ran and the sauna I sat in to (ironically) “cool off” (read: relax so I didn’t break anything) a few minutes beforehand really helped, too. My muscles were warm. I had already gotten my blood pumping, literally and figuratively. And it was just one of those days when I needed to beat myself into the ground. I get like that sometimes, so full of emotion and despair and frustration and wishful thinking and everything-else-in-the-whole-wide-world that I feel like all I can possibly do is physically beat myself up until I can’t move. I rarely actually do it, but I did today. I was so tired when I got home that the ten minutes of standing required to take a shower were too much, and I had to sit down in my towel for at least 5 minutes to recover after I turned the water off and got out.

Of course I have a second wind now. It’s after midnight as I write this, so of COURSE I have a second wind now :>P It’s in my night-owl nature, I guess. May as well accept it.

So anyway. This mile. A bit of history: in November of 2008, I was planning to move to New York City. My initial plans to find a place with a girl I knew from college fell apart (fortunate, in the end) but in the process of the falling apart, I’d found a woman who was a friend of a friend and seemed great. I went to NYC to meet her and check out apartments shortly after. I spent a week staying with the wonderful Ryan-and-Alex. Their apartment was tiny and I am still amazed and grateful that they didn’t beg me to leave sooner or leave my bags outside after the 4th day. (If you read this – thanks again, fellas :>). That week in the city was huge for me. For the first time, I felt capable of navigating public transit there by myself (previously a consistent disaster). I got around, I looked at apartments, I got to see friends. I even got to see my friend Jed in his Broadway debut in Avenue Q!

All in all, it was a magical week. It was lovely to stay with the boys and trot about each day on my own without work to worry about. I was inspired to write a lot that week (which is something I used to do constantly, but since my heart got broken a few years ago, I’ve tended to shy away. Sometimes self-preservation is more important than remembering. Which is sad. And an other story.). I even made a list of “Things I Want For My Life.” It was a really good list. And when the week was over, and all of my plans for moving were totally demolished (but I was even more determined to move by the start of the new year), I went home. And suddenly, for the first time in my life – EVER – I needed to run.

I don’t know if it was the pace of the city or the simple realization that if I wanted my life to be what I want, I have to go for it. 2009 was supposed to be the Year of Yes, after all. And in lots of ways it was. And in lots of ways, it was not. C’est la vie, eh? The lady I almost found an apt with, the friend of a friend, and I were talking one night while I was visiting and she noted that New York moves FAST and you HAVE to be ready for that. You have to decisive and “scrappy” as she put it. I know that living in New York and working for the (rather rich and powerful) people that I did, I become MUCH more assertive and capable at handling things, for which I am grateful. Life may come at you fast, but it seems like life in New York comes at you faster. So. I needed to run. And this was interesting, because as I said, I’ve never run. I asked my mom once if I ran as a child, like all little kids run around wild. Apparently, I did not. (Shocker.)

So this is not like “oh I used to LOVE to run, why did I get away from that?” I am not built for speed, on any level, and I am not particularly built to run, either. I am (don’t laugh too hard here) like an anti-gazelle. I am the walrus. haha. But I needed to run. So I bought some really good Reeboks (they are white and bright pink and have air pockets and are currently getting rather worn out but I love them, ps) and I followed my bro J’s “Get Started Running” article on how and I started running in intervals. Walk awhile, run a little, walk some more, etc.

And that’s pretty much how it’s been since. I’ve done other forms of cardio that I’m much better at – swimming, the elliptical, the stair-stepper, workout videos – in the meantime. But I’ve had no endurance whatsoever when it comes to running. And I am a slooooooow runner. That point right past where you’re power walking? That’s pretty much where my run is, if I want to go for more than 15 seconds.

But today was like this perfect storm of scorn and warmed up muscles, and away I went. I got on the treadmill and walked for a minute, turned on my iPod, and “I Gotta Feelin’” came on, so off I went. I ran for the next mile, bouncing and singing along to my beloved Black-Eyed Peas without making a sound other than that of my feet. I don’t pound on the treadmill like I used to. I was lighter today. And I ran for the next mile. And then I almost cried, I was in such disbelief. I walked for a few minutes and then ran for 5 minutes more – and then repeated that pattern again. And although I would’ve liked to do one more 5 minute run, I had a feeling that I had done enough.

There were two particularly remarkable things about running that mile:

1) The cramp I developed on the right side of my ribcage, which I have ALWAYS gotten when I run (even when I was 8! It made my mom get me an EKG when I was little because it hurt so much), did not kill me. *gasp!* It actually went away after a couple minutes. There may or may not have been somewhat naughty words flying thru my head while that happened and I made myself keep going, but OH it was good to know that the pain wasn’t the end, that I really could run thru it and be okay.

2) My heart did not freak out. My arrhythmia, which had started to act up after the swim (sudden burst of activity + nerves due to situation + eventual fury over situation + heart arrhythmia + storming to my car from depths of disgusting rec center in crappy West Philly neighborhood wearing only my suit and towel and flip-flops while still completely soaking, dripping wet = bad news bears), did not make an appearance during the run. Yes, my heart rate was high when I ran – 199 beats a minute according to the treadmill – but it didn’t get thready or start skipping and scampering around like it has in the past. I thank a decent amount of sleep and decent nutrition for this second part. Along with steady activity for the last few months.

I’m changing my life. And that, to me, is a most amazing thing.

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NOTE: Explanation of sudden departure from crappy rec center… well, essentially, I went to a lifeguard pre-screen at the most decrepit and gross building I’ve ever been in in my life today, and the guy who was “testing” me was a tool and the requirements were ridiculous and not even the actual national requirements – the city of STUPIDelphia added totally unnecessary crap to the test and I was totally uncomfortable in the building and all the people in charge were totally unhelpful toolboxes. I’ve been swimming since I was 3 and I was a lifeguard for a year, and I could tell they weren’t going to “pass” me so I could get recertified. I’m sure their behavior had NOTHING to do with the fact that I was the only white person for a mile in any direction. So basically, I was in an “I hate Philadelphia” mood, which I really haven’t been in since I moved a month ago. And the scorn drove me to run. Fools.

Loving your neighbor is considerably harder they treat you like garbage. I think Jesus warned us about that, tho… *sigh* For tonight, I am happy with my mile. I think I should actually be able to jog a 5k in the next two months. Aaaaamazing.

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ADDENDUM: I ran a mile again this past week (6/3), walked a few minutes, and then ran a half mile, rinse and repeat, so it was not a one off. I can run a mile, with the proper pacing. Now to continue to build endurance and work up speed.

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